14 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Do In Times Of High Stress

14 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Do In Times Of High Stress

My fellow coaches at Forbes Coaches Council and I share 14 Top Tips for managing the pressure cooker of work and life.

 

You know the feeling: Everything seems to be falling apart and people are looking to you for answers, but you’re one question away from blowing up in front of everyone.

 

Everyone has stressful days in and out of the office, and it’s natural to have a negative emotional response in these situations. However, a person with high emotional intelligence (EQ) is self-aware enough to recognize those feelings and talk themselves down before they get pushed over the proverbial edge.

 

Sixteen members of Forbes Coaches Council explained how an emotionally intelligent person can rein in their emotions and maintain their cool in times of high stress.

 

1. Learn Your Triggers

In advance of a stressful situation and during a quiet time, write down your top stressors. Connect them to people and events. Then, come up with a cognitive and a behavioral way to refocus your energy when you’re triggered. Behaviorally, means removing yourself or breathing deeply. Cognitive refocus is replacing your anxious or angry thoughts with logic. Build your EQ through preparation. – Loren Margolis, Training & Leadership Success LLC

 

2. Create Some Distance

Recognizing that you are reaching your limit is already a bonus. The trick is to see before you go over the edge and takes steps to get some distance. Distance, in the form of a break, gives perspective and allows you to be more strategic and intentional about how you react to and/or manage the stress. – Rose Cartolari, Rose Cartolari Consulting

 

3. Build Your Workplace Intelligence (WQ)

Sometimes, even those with admirable levels of EQ get pushed to the edge. Those able to step away from the ledge, without forcing someone else to take their place, are often grounded by keeping the mission the highest priority for themselves and their team. We call this “workplace intelligence,” or WQ, and it represents our collective ability to achieve results even in the most challenging times. – Mark S. Babbitt, YouTern

 

4. Work On Your Self-Confidence

As an influencer, nothing adds to your cause more than your confidence and belief in what you are standing up for. Confidence will empower you to set boundaries, improve your argument, and effectively hold others accountable without losing your cool in a discussion. Confidence typically arises from competence. Continue learning and growing as a person and as a professional to grow your confidence. – Ilean Harris, Ilean Harris

 

5. Write It Out

One of the toughest attorneys I know channels her potential response to intense conflict into writing. Furiously writing out her response to another attorney or client, but not actually sending that writing to anyone, helped her create a powerful, productive habit. Nothing is sent out of this journal until logic rules over emotional reaction. – John M. O’Connor, Career Pro Inc.

 

6. Consider The Impact Of Your Emotions On Yourself And Your Team

An emotionally intelligent person has the unique ability to notice their emotions as they arise. In the case of being pushed over the edge, they will understand the impact their emotions are having on their thinking ability and will notice and act on the need to manage those emotions, as well as their teammates’ emotions. Then they can relieve stress by talking about it or taking a break. – Brian Tracy, Brian Tracy International

 

7. Confide In Someone You Trust

One of the elements of emotional intelligence is social skills: the ability to communicate well, manage disputes, build and nurture relationships, and exhibit strong interpersonal skills. If such an individual is at the edge, then it’s time to access the company’s Employment Assistance Program (EAP) and confide in a counselor. If such a service does not exist, talk it through with a confidante. – Daisy Wright, The Wright Career Solution, Brampton/Toronto

 

8. Name, Then Tame Your Stressors

First, be aware of the trigger (person, event) that is pushing you over the edge. Name it and tame it. Then, get your brain and emotions in check by taking deep breaths, a short walk, a drink of water – anything to flush out the stress hormones. Then formulate a strategy to address the trigger. If it’s a person, tell them how they are (intentionally or unintentionally) impacting you. – Shoma Chatterjee, ghSMART

 

9. Take An Anthropological View

Anthropologists learn the benefit of “third person.” The more you can observe human behavior, understand the culture, see conflict and stay neutral to the situation, the better you can remain calm, ask questions and disengage from taking anything personally. Step away to evaluate yourself, the situation, cause/effect, and how you are coming across to others. – Joanne Markow, GreenMason

 

10. Know Where The Edges Are

You can’t be pushed over the edge if you know where the edges are. Emotionally intelligent people understand their own hot buttons and limits, and they’re able to read their own cues and halt bad behavior in advance. This self-awareness isn’t magic – it takes time, attention and a willingness to learn from falling over the edge one time too many. – Darcy Eikenberg, Red Cape Revolution

 

11. Focus On Your Passion

Hopefully a professional with high emotional intelligence is in a career that they are passionate about pursuing. During difficult times, focus on why you are passionate about your career. Let your purpose keep you motivated through challenging situations. – Donald Hatter, Donald Hatter Inc.

 

12. Seek Awareness, Acknowledgement, Acceptance And Action

Self-awareness is the first step in this process. Once we do this, we can acknowledge the emotions or triggers, accept them as they are without fighting against then, then decide on what action will create a win-win situation for everyone involved. Realize that how someone chooses to act towards you is a decision they make, and has nothing to do with who you are or your values. – Sharissa Sebastian, Sharissa Sebastian – Life & Leadership Coaching

 

13. Build Resilience

Identify key practices that trigger a path to resilience when personal setbacks start to emerge. Bounce back by staying focused on a project/idea that excites you creatively to reboot. Keep a positive attitude and outlook to help you adjust better through challenges. Make a conscious decision to thrive in spite of adverse events, and allow these hardships to enhance your personal growth. – Rachel Lourdes Mestre, Rachel Mestre LLC

14. Respond, Don’t React

It’s very easy to be drawn into the vortex of emotional reaction. To avoid this trap, respond instead of react. Three tools to use are time (ask for more time to evaluate and commit to reconvene), space (physically move – take a walk, get oxygen moving in you) and pause for reflection. Avoid reaction by creating time, space and pause, allowing your skillful response. ~ Coach Christine

I’m always curious to learn what’s working for you.

 

Share your favourite stress-relieving strategies below … or I invite you to send me a private message at christine@coachchristine.biz

Cheers, Coach Christine Culbertson

 

 

 

Overcoming Obstacles: Learnings from Author, Activist and Warrior Helen Keller

Overcoming Obstacles: Learnings from Author, Activist and Warrior Helen Keller

Helen Keller overcame obstacles most of us are fortunate to never encounter in our lifetime.

Did you know she faced numerous public challenges like being accused as a fraud and of plagiarism?

 

A journey of frustration, study, learning and eventually success 25 years later she was able to speak so others could clearly understand her messages to audiences large and small.

 

Many were inspired by Helen’s tenacity and she was fortunate to be introduced to notables like Mark Twain, Alexander Graham Bell and a senior oil company executive who were influential in furthering her education and defending her during public outcries.

 

The New Yorker published a fascinating article about Helen’s life noting that,

“She stands for enigma; there lurks in her still the angry child who demanded to be understood yet could not be deciphered. She refutes those who cannot perceive, or do not care to value, what is hidden from sensation: collective memory, heritage, literature.”

Upon her death, at the age of 87, she was an author, lecturer and known as an activist of human rights, an advocate of women’s causes and co-founder of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU).

For those days when you’re struggling, recall Helen’s admirable personal strength and fortitude.

 

Now it’s your turn …

 

What do you draw upon to boost yourself when you’ve landed in a challenge or a seemingly insurmountable obstacle?

 

What’s your go-to, favourite way to replenish yourself?

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts and invite you to leave your comments below and share this article with those who also might enjoy and be stimulated by Helen’s admirable mojo.

 

Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting today.

 

Warmly, Coach Christine J. Culbertson

 

hello@coachchristine.biz

 

 

When Is The Best Time?

When Is The Best Time?

Want more? More sales, more business, a BIGGER life?

The risk of inaction is monumental, it’s a sunk cost never to be recovered and in truth, this stuck-ness may have caused you to lose out on revenue sitting right under your nose!

 

Trial and error and not having a clear plan causes indecision and inaction which in turn feeds that niggling voice of self-doubt.

 

Here’s how I help my clients (and how I can help you):

  • sell more

  • keep more money

  • build your confidence and skills

  • action plans for focus and traction (getting you unstuck)

  • master time and people with proven strategies and tools

  • data, measures and accountability keeping you on track

So you can have the life at home and work that you want and deserve!

 

YES! There is a solution and together we’ll tailor it to suit your needs. (just like a new pair of shoes, it’ll be the best fit for you)

 

IMAGINE how you’ll feel when you apply new business and sales skills, so you can ask for the business with more confidence.

 

IMAGINE how you’ll feel when the pressure’s off, when you use new communication tools so people really hear you, what you want, what you need and the value you have.

 

IMAGINE relaxing and enjoying more of life because you have more focus, new expertise to write more business and you’ll know the results you want and need and most importantly, how to get them.

 

Recently one of my clients had 69% return on his coaching investment = that’s a return of each $ invested plus an additional 69₵ for each original dollar = profitability smartly captured by the company.

 

Are you a high performer who will work hard to achieve your goals? I work exclusively with high performing clients who want more, who are ready to take responsibility and build immense success.

If this sounds like you then …

 

Meet me, Coach Christine for your risk-free session:

If you are a corporation or big business let’s have a strat-chat.
If you are an entrepreneur or small business we’ll have a jump-start session.
If you are a solo-preneur schedule coffee with Christine.
If you are ready for more and ready to get started, you can reach me in confidence by email to: christine@coachchristine.biz or text me at 647 274 0033.
New Year Resolutions – STOP — PUT THE BRAKES ON!

New Year Resolutions – STOP — PUT THE BRAKES ON!

Ever wonder why your resolutions fail?

Do you feel like you have to make resolutions?

It’s a new year … everybody else is … are you conforming to the social pressures of “should-ing”?

STOP I Say & PUT THE BREAKS ON!

I never make them and here are a few of my top tips to help you succeed in the New Year. http://bit.ly/2CHJ3lw

What do you do?  Share your secrets to success in the comments below.

http://bit.ly/2CHJ3lw

8 Ways to Bust Obstacles and Build Your Strengths [FORBES]

8 Ways to Bust Obstacles and Build Your Strengths [FORBES]

Originally published through Forbes Coaches Council.

Imagine overcoming obstacles

knocking down barriers and leading valuable

timely conversations that are a win-win for all

Winning-ways and rich relationships that are robust and productive come from clear communication. What do we need to do and who do we need to be to become master communicators and have strong relationships?

We tend to first look at others’ behaviors and attitudes, but it is the skillful leader who first turns the lens within, discovering soft spots and ways to build and grow themselves. Becoming a leader whom others want to follow (like potential clients, colleagues or teams) is about understanding the needs and wants of others while meeting your needs and expectations.

Our first order of business is understanding our mindset and attitudes and the impact they have on our personal and professional lives. If you’re in a leadership position in business, or you’re a community builder or an entrepreneur, you too will find these grit- and grin-building tools valuable.

 

Compass Points

Your mindset is your belief of the world, how you perceive the world and how you fit into the world. It shapes your thoughts, forming beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that create your actions.

Psychologist Carol Dweck of Stanford University wrote about two mindsets . A fixed mindset is rigid in belief and action and believes that basic characteristics, like intelligence, are a measure of success or failure. There is a continual push to prove oneself, as failure is seen as a negative. On the other hand, the growth mindset is flexible, believes in hard work, seeks to excel and doesn’t avoid failure, using it instead to improve.

Obstacles and Opportunities:

Here are important questions to ask to help understand your obstacles and grow your opportunities:

  • Which is your operating mindset?
  • How does it serve you?
  • What’s needed or possible to change or improve?

Your mindset is one of the points on your compass, but not the only one. A positive mindset leads to resilient, gritty behavior. Resilience works in tandem with a flexible mindset, where obstacles are course-corrections rather than roadblocks.

Attitudes and Impact:

Your attitude carries a lot of weight too. Preston Ni  of Psychology Today talks about different negative attitudes and their impact on personal and professional life. Here are eight warning signs of harmful attitudes and how to bust obstacles and build your strengths:

  1. Negative self-talk: “I’ll never make quota.” “I just know I’m going to fail.” “No one is interested in my opinion.” Every time we send ourselves a negative message, we undermine our confidence and even self-sabotage our success. Pay attention to the messages you give yourself — find your grit and grin beyond negativity.
  2. Negative assumptions: Sometimes things go wrong. Traffic jams develop, spills happen, phone batteries die. None of these are inherently positive or negative but our response to them can be. Your choice of response can make you happier or more stressed and luckily your response is completely in your control.
  3. Negative comparisons: There will always be someone with a bigger car, a higher salary, a shinier watch or a bigger boat. If you constantly measure yourself against others, you will end up stressed, dissatisfied and depressed. Focus on your accomplishments!
  4. Negative ruminations about the past: We all have moments that we wish we could rewind and do over. If you botched a big presentation, instead of replaying it on a constant loop, learn from it and move on. Focusing on past failure prevents you from seeing new possibilities. Be resilient, own the past and keep moving forward.
  5. Dealing with difficult people: Some people are jerks, bullies or have made passive-aggressive behavior an art form. They intimidate, threaten, manipulate facts and situations and often take advantage of others. What’s the point in fighting them, right? They always win. Except, they don’t. Instead of reacting and feeling like a victim, you can learn to use strategies and techniques to counter their behaviour and stay in control.
  6. Blaming: We all know people who deflect responsibility to anyone but themselves. They are late for a meeting because the guy in the car in front of them was driving too slow, not because they didn’t allow extra time for delays. It’s often easier to blame someone else than to take ownership and accountability, but it leads to bitterness and resentment. Take ownership of your choices and actions.
  7. Neglecting to forgive yourself: Mistakes happen. Learning to forgive yourself for past mistakes can be difficult. As Ni says, “There may be an accompanying sense of self-blame at the blunders made, damage done or opportunities missed. You might think of yourself as a ‘bad’ or ‘flawed’ person and wallow in guilt. During these moments, it’s extremely important to be compassionate with yourself, knowing that now that you’re more aware, you have a chance to avoid repeating past mistakes, and to make a positive difference with yourself and others.”
  8. Fear of failure and making mistakes: Taking a risk and stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to great new opportunities or spectacular failure. The fear of making a mistake and failing is often tied to perfectionism. Setting high standards can be motivating and, with a flexible mindset, mistakes are opportunities to learn and course-correct. The fear of failure can be debilitating or motivating. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Being a leader whom others want to follow takes personal grit and strength

Though it may sound challenging, it’s very doable. Our greatest strengths are being resilient, having a growth mindset and a positive, can-do winning attitude. Take time to discover your soft spots and grow them. And remember to celebrate your strengths and Winning-ways. Let’s keep you on track for more success and a bigger life.

 

Christine coaches with ROI top-of-mind. Many companies who leverage her coaching produce quick and long-lasting results transforming people, processes and culture, impacting their bottom line.

Her time with clients generates powerful results in:

  • Business and Personal Development
  • Communication and Relationships
  • Sales and Sales Leadership

Watching and learning at the feet of titans of Canada’s Wall Street and other business leaders, Coach Christine was influenced by their success and built a corporate career and coaching business founded on these business practices.

She is an award-winning business woman and contributor to Forbes publications; is an accredited coach with the ICF; a practitioner of Conscious Business practices; is certified by the IMPACT: Coaching with ROI program; holds her First and Second Degree Reiki and has studied Aboriginal healing for over 20 years.  Christine loves the adventure of travel and has a knock-out collection of snazzy women’s shoes.

If you want more contact Coach Christine Culbertson today and discover your potential.